


Tables Turned

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, M/M, Post-Canon, Romance, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-04
Updated: 2008-10-24
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:35:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8824978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Reply to a challenge on http://samdean.archive.nu/, and I chose it 'cause I wanted to write Possesive!Sam, but it kinda took off in its own right...I no longer have control of the situation, but I'm lovin' how it's goin'!Off hiatus due to my lovely new beta. More to come soon!





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

“Sammy?” Dean hissed, wishing that there was someway to get his brother’s attention in the dark warehouse. His head jerked up at a muffled sound coming from the office on the far wall. 

 

He looked around for Sam, but had to just creep foreword –hoping for the best- as he rose to face his destiny.

 

They had finally tracked down the yellow-eyed demon (Or more than likely it had summoned them, but Dean refused to entertain that notion for too long).

 

_Where the fuck is Sam?_ Dean’s mind screamed just before he kicked the door in.

 

“Sammy?” he couldn’t help but question, his gun faltering for a moment as he registered the sight of his brother –his baby brother- standing just beside yellow eyes left hand. He was laughing, they were both laughing. Dean forced a cocky smirk on to his face, leveling his gun once again, “What? Everyone knows I love a good joke.”

 

His yellow eyes flashed, “We were just talking about death, Dean. Your death.”

 

_Sam turned! FOR REAL!_ Before Dean’s epiphany registered he’d been knocked unconscious by a swift whack on the back of his neck by the butt of Sam’s gun.

^-_-^

Dean’s head was screaming as he pulled his eyelids apart. Sam was kneeling over him, sobbing “Come on, Dean! You can’t leave me now!”

 

“Sammy?” he barely managed to croak before the darkness closed in once again.

^-_-^

The voices were quiet and foggy, as if everyone but him was at the other end of a long dark tunnel.

 

“Will he be okay?” Dean hated Sam sounding like that, his voice choked with tears.

 

“There’s no way to tell yet,” a serious but emotionally devoid man answered, “These first twenty four hours are the most critical; if he doesn’t wake up now, it’s likely he never will. If you’ll excuse me…?”

 

“Of course,” Dean could almost hear Sam jump out of his seat to walk the doctor out –always was a polite SOB.

 

After the door swung shut, he could hear Sam sink into a seat next to the bed. “God, Dean…” he heard Sam whimper, it was muffled as if his younger brother had buried his head in his hands. “I didn’t mean for this… I just knew you’d give me away; realize I hadn’t turned… I’m so sorry, oh, god…”

 

After a long while Sam’s breathing evened out; it wasn’t that he’d fallen asleep; he’d just cried himself out -for the time being.

 

“If you _ever_ hit me in the head like that again, I’m really gonna have to kick your ass, Sammy.”

 

“DEAN!” Sam leapt out of his seat, sending it shooting back into the wall, “Ohmigod! You’re awake!”

 

“Certainly appears that way,” Dean agreed with his patented smart-assed smirk.

 

“Doctor! I have to get a doctor!” Dean shook his head –grimaced at the pain- as Sam bolted from the room.

 

He ran his hand along the bed and pressed the ‘summon-a-sexy-nurse’ button. And boy, did it deliver!

 

“Mr. Watson! You’re awake, that’s a pleasant surprise!”

 

Dean squinted at the leggy brunette as she walked over to him, he knew her somehow…

 

This realization sent a jolt thru him, “ _Gwen?_ ”

 

She laughed and shook her head, “Don’t go by that name anymore.” Then for the first time since she’d walked in she looked at him, really looked at him, “Oh, my god… Dean?”

 

He flashed her a smile, “How’re you?”

 

She shook her head, “I should be asking _you_ that same question; you’re the one strung up in a bed.”

 

“Well …” he trailed off, waiting for her to fill in the blank. “Oh, right; I’m Rachael,” she said and flashed him her nametag. 

 

“Rachael,” he mused, “I like that, much better that Gwen.” She laughed delicately. “Speaking of which… What happened to stripper Gwen? What made you become a nurse?”

 

He smile slipped off, “Oh, wow… I thought I’d have time to prepare…” Dean frowned at her back as she took a few steps away, “I, uh… I re-enrolled in nursing school when I got pregnant.

 

“Wow! Congrats, who’s the lucky father?”

 

She swallowed thickly and nibbled on her bottom lip, “I’m talking to him.”

^-_-^

Sam was frozen in his tracks, there was no way he’d heard her right… Was there? He leaned against the wall just outside the door to listen.

 

“WHAT?” Dean cried incredulously.

 

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, I never thought you’d find out this way…”

 

“But… But we were safe, I used a… Well, you know, you were there!”

 

“Honey, you don’t have to be a nurse to know that that’s not 100%...”

 

“I… I have a child?” Sam assumed that the woman nodded because Dean continued talking after a long dazed minute, “Wow… D’you have any pictures?”

 

“In my purse… Want me to get them?”

 

“Won’t you get into trouble for socializing on shift?”

 

She giggled, “I think they’d pull a few strings for me.”

 

“How old is-“ He interrupted himself, “Boy or girl?”

 

“A boy… You have a little boy, Dean; he’s about 15 months.” Sam counted back, and shook his head; apparently Dean had picked up a chick instead of watching pay-per-view when he’d left Sam and Madison to their own devices.

 

“What’s his name?” Dean’s voice was choked with emotion.

 

“Jaden Michael.”

 

Instead of the flinch Sam was expecting (Jaden? _Really?_ ) Dean spoke again, his voice filled with awe. “Jaden Winchester.”

 

“Winchester? I thought…?”

 

“I guess neither of us knows the other as well as we thought,” Dean teased, and she laughed it off but then got serious.

 

“Jaden Connors, Dean,” she corrected.

 

Dean’s smile was evident in his voice, “Winchester’s just a matter time now, Sweetheart. No way I’m leaving.” Sam swore he heard something shatter; it took him a moment to realize that it was his heart.


	2. Chapter 1: (in)Valid?

Chapter One: (in)Valid?

 

Sam sat up in bed,gasping and covered in sweat. He stumbled over to the bathroom sink and and stuck his head under the faucet. 

 

That was just over a year ago,but it still haunted him in his sleep.

 

Dean had a child, a child that he loved instantly. And Jaden had taken instantly to his father and his Uncle Sam;a fact that surprised and displeased Rachael, even though she didn't say anything.

 

She hadn't allowed Dean to move in with her and Jaden, saying she didn't know him well enough.

 

So he and Dean had rented a crappy apartment two blocks away, and gotten jobs in town.

 

Dean knowledge of cars made him a shoe in at the local garage, and Sam's phenomenal scores and Stanford education got him a job at the local law office. Right now he was just a receptionist; then what could he expect? He had never actually started law school.

 

These turns of event had surprised Sam. He'd never thought that he would actually miss hunting, but he did.

 

Course, Dean missed it more; the thrill of the chase... He'd only gone about three months before he started dragging Sam on weekend hunts. 

 

That's why he was alone now actually.

 

Two weeks ago they had gone after a poltergeist haunting the disturbingly aptly named Phantom Boulevard. Sam hadn't even realized that the thing had seen him until it was ripping -or trying it's hardest at least- his left arm out of it's socket.

 

But Dean had been there, Dean had saved him and then he had forbid Sam to join him on another hunt until at least a month had passed. Rachael had smugly agreed -pissing Sam off to no end. 

 

There was something about her that he just didn't like, and he really hoped it wasn't jealous lover syndrome. He couldn't put his finger on it, couldn't find anything concrete, so he sucked it up and didn't say anything to Dean.

 

His brother... He was so protective of his family, and Sam wasn't going to mess with that... At least not until he had some cold hard facts to back it up.

 

And so far he had nothing. She still hadn't let Dean move in -hadn't even let him spend the night, but Dean said he understood, telling Sam that she was probably testing him; after all he had left once already. But she did have them over for dinner almost every night. 

 

The first few times Dean had brought Sam along as some kind of security blanket, but then Jaden had gotten hooked on both Winchester Boys. He would cry and cry until Dean and *Sam* came and soothed him.

 

And Rachael seemed to like Sam fine -or she acted like it whenever Dean was around. But there were things that she did, or ways that she acted that just rubbed him the wrong way. 

 

Like how she's missed Jaden's first steps, five bumbling beautiful steps from Sam to Dean. Now, Sam could excuse that; she had been working... But she just shrugged when they'd gushed about it to her. Dean said that she was just tired, that she'd want to talk about it later. When she hadn't, he changed his theory, saying instead that she was probably pissed that she'd missed it.

 

Sam shrugged, never mentioning it again, choosing instead to file it away for later examination.

 

He stood and stretched, carefully rolling his shoulder. It was probably for the best that he wasn't on the hunt now, he was a real liability with only one arm.

 

He was on his way back to bed when his phone burst into song; Highway to Hell, Dean's ring tone. 

 

“Fuck!” he yelped, sprinting to it, fearing the worst. “ Dean? Are you okay?”

 

“ _What? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?_ ” Sam glanced at the clock, “I dunno; maybe b'cause it's four AM?”

 

“ _Shit,_ ” Dean cursed, “ _I forgot about the time._ ” Sam groaned. “ _Look, Sammy, I still need you to do me a favor._ ”

 

“Name it.”

 

“ _Check on Rachael and Jaden, okay? No answer at her place, and I've got a monster of a bad feeling._ ”

 

“Maybe she had to work? You know she gets time and a half for pulling third shift.”

 

Dean sighed, “ _That's probably it... Look, just check on them, okay?_ ”

 

“Sure, Dean....I'll call you when I talk to her, okay?”

 

“ _Thanks._ ”

 

Sam tossed the phone on to the bed and sighed. He was awake anyway. He started to get dressed, it was time for a hunt of his own.

^-_-^

“Excuse me,” Sam said, smiling brightly from underneath his shaggy, dark bangs, “Can you tell me where I might find Rachael Connors?”

 

The receptionist gave him an odd look, “She quit months ago, Honey.”

 

Cool anger settled like lead in his stomach, _what was she up to?_ He smiled again, “Oh that's right, my mistake.”

 

He quickly left the hospital and walked to Rachael's building. 

 

Sam punched the buzzer, and then again more insistently when she ignored it the first time.

 

“Hello?” She asked, irritably after a long moment, “Hello?

 

Sam had planned on answering her, really he had, but then he'd heard the man in the background, _Can you shut this damn kid up?_

 

“Hello?” She asked again before finally letting go of the button. Sam stood there dazed; of all the things he'd wondered about Rachael, cheating whore was never on the list.

 

By the time he got home his shock had turned into anger.

 

_How could she do this to Dean? To his chil- HER child?_

 

And speaking of Dean... Sam sighed and pulled out his cell phone.

 

“ _Is she okay? What about Jaden?_ ”

 

Sam smiled weakly at Dean's worried tone, “They're both fine. I accidentally freaked Jaden to the point of crying though.”

 

“ _Dick._ ”

 

Sam laughed, “I'll make it up to him tomorrow, okay?”

 

“ _You'd better._ ”

 

Sam sank onto the bed, “So, how'd it go? All in one piece?”

 

“ _Yeah, I'm on my way back now._ ” Dean answered with a rev of the Impala. “ _Should be back around five, I gotta stop and sleep soon._ ”

 

“No rush, Dean. Stop, sleep, relax.”

 

“ _Not too much._ ” There was a long pause, “ _What?_ ”

 

“You miss me,” Sam teased.

 

“ _I do not,_ ” Dean growled.

 

“You do too, you miss me lots.”

 

“ _I miss my son, too, you know._ ”

 

“Ha! You do miss me!”

 

“ _Oh, shut up, Sam,_ ” Dean replied, a wide smile coloring his voice. Sam chuckled. “ _Look, Sammy, I should go; I'm pulling into a motel right now. Anyway, shouldn't you be getting some sleep so you can get up real early and make it up to Jaden?_ ”

 

“G'Night, Dean.”

 

“ _Night, Sammy._ ”

 

Sam fell asleep with a pleased smile on his face and guilt eating at him inside.

^-_-^

He woke up with the same smile on his face as he remembered his late night conversation with Dean, but it quickly faded as he thought of the rest of last night.

 

Sam practically growled in anger as he kicked his covers off and walked to the door. It was past time to confront Rachael.

^-_-^

By the time he got to Rachael's door he had talked himself down from a flying rage to a simmering wrath.

 

“Hey, Rachael,” he said pleasantly when she tiredly answered his buzz. “Sam?”

 

“Yep,” he said innocently, “I was hoping to borrow Jaden for a few hours before Dean-”

 

“ _One second,_ ” she interrupted, abruptly ending the connection. “ _He's asleep just now, you want to try back later?_ ”

 

Sam's eyebrow rose; he could hear Jaden in the background yammering on to himself. “Hey, Jaden!” he cried loudly, ignoring Rachael's question.

 

“ _Sammy!_ ” Jaden crowed, his childish joy getting louder as he toddled over, “ _Sammy! Sammy! Sammy!_ ” Jaden was one of two people that he allowed to call him that. The other was his deliciously handsome...er, his brother.

 

“Sounds awake enough to me, Rachael.” The connection ended and a moment later the lock buzzed.

 

Sam smirked viciously and climbed the stairs to her third floor apartment and knocked. A moment later Rachael appeared at the door with Jaden on her hip, “Don't keep him too long, okay?”

 

“Can't leave with out his toys, Rachael!” he said, pushing open the door and stepping inside. Everything was deathly still and perhaps that was why Sam knew the mystery man was still there.

 

He walked into the living room under the pretense of Jaden's toy bag and saw the guy just laying on the couch in a pair of boxers and undershirt. Sam spun on his heel, “Care to explain that?”

 

Rachael sighed and walked into the kitchen. “It's not what you think, Sam.”

 

“Oh, Really?”

 

She set Jaden in his playpen, “Look, Gary got a little too drunk last night and his wife kicked him out.”

 

“So? Why'd he come here? Why'd you let him stay?”

 

“He's my old boss, Sam! He came here because he trusts me not to say anything. And I owed him for all the times when I was workin' at StarLight... He let me crash at his place more than once.”

 

Sam scrubbed a hand over his face, hating that what she said made sense, that it didn't seem like she was lying. “Where're Jaden's toys, Rachael?” She looked at him in surprise. “I just want to get out of here.”

^-_-^

Sam loved Jaden, he really did; but if he had to watch that Disney movie one. More. Time. He might have strangled the poor kid. Luckily for both of them, Jaden had fallen asleep during showing eighty six.

 

He'd used the well deserved break as an excuse to start dinned for him and Dean, hoping Dean hadn't already made other plans.

 

There, Jaden was asleep, Dean was due home at any moment, and dinner just had to heat... Sam sighed and laid his forehead on the table.

 

Strong fingers attacked the tight knots in his back, and Sam couldn't help but moan. After just a moment, he was putty in those extremely skilled hands.

 

“Better?” Dean's husky whisper floated down to his ear as he pulled out a chair and sank into it.

 

“Much... Thanks...” Sam stood and turned to the stove in an effort to hide his blush. “Hungry?”

 

“Yeah, what're you making?”

 

“Nothing special,” Sam shrugged, “Meatloaf, mashed potatoes...”

 

Dean smacked his lips playfully, “Been a while since I had that.”

 

“You need me to make it to go?” Sam asked in a mock breezy tone. Dean worked a lot of Sunday nights to make up for not working Saturdays.

 

“Nah, Rache asked me to watch Jaden when she called. Said she'd pick him up after she got done with her shift at the hospital.”

 

Sam stopped stirring the gravy for a moment, “She said that? That she had a shift at the hospital today?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Uh, no reason... She just didn't mention it to me when I picked him up.” He heard Dean shrug before he replied, “Maybe it slipped her mind?”

 

“I'm sure that's it...” Sam mumbled, _What was going on with this chick?_ “Wake Jaden for dinner, Dean?”

 

“Sure,” he said, and walked out to get the sleeping child, leaving Sam alone with his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 2: Hitting the Fan

This chapter is dedicated to my new beta, the lovely and amazing Nixxie, without whom I doubt I would have started working on this story again- I haven't since season _one_ , or typing up what I’d written long-hand. I'd also like to thank her for pointing out my idiot mistakes that would have gotten me a smack from all the rabid fangirls, myself included. XD Thanks, Nixx!

^-_-^

Chapter Two: Hitting the Fan

 

Another week had passed before Sam decided to act.

 

Jaden was a blue eyed blond, which was, under the circumstances, a real rarity. Rachael and Dean were both dirty blonds, but Jaden had hair five or so shades lighter; he also had crystalline blue eyes as opposed to Rachael's brown, or Dean's hazel irises.

 

Sam spent the morning trying to think of some kind of plan. Sure, there were things like recessive genes... But there was something about this girl that didn't rub him right, and he was pretty damn sure that if he walked in sounding sure of himself she'd fold, and she'd fold but quick.

 

He left early and practically sprinted across San Fransisco to Rachael's building.

 

Bzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzzt! Bzzzzzzzzzt!

 

He pressed the button repeatedly.

 

“What?!” she cried.

 

“Can I come up?”

 

“Uh, sure,” she said distractedly, and a moment later Sam was on his way up the stairs. He walked silently to the kitchen behind her, “Where's Jaden?”

 

“I let my mom have him for the afternoon... Look, Sam, I'm pretty busy here, what's up?”

 

“I was on-line today, and I was reading up on genetics..." he lied, "Did you know Jaden is about one in a billion?” He exagerated greatly, but if she didn't call him on it...

 

“You needed to go on-line to learn that?” Sam scoffed, “You know that's not what I meant, Rachael.”

 

Rachael cocked her head to the side, “Then what do you mean, Sam?”

 

“Don't play coy, Rachael, it doesn't suit you. Dean isn't the father.”

 

Rachael snarled, “You really think that's true?” Sam nodded. “Then you tell Dean that!”

 

“Wh- What?!”

 

“Sam... Do you like kids?” Sam shrugged. “Well, Dean does. One of his little weaknesses.” Rachael stood up, “And that's why you aren't going to tell Dean that Gary's the father; it'll kill him.”

 

“Now hold on,” Sam shot out of his seat, “You know?”

 

“Know what?”

 

“That Dean's not the father!”

 

“Of course,” Rachael scoffed.

 

“You know, and you're still doing this? Why?” She shrugged, “He has money.”

 

Sam's jaw dropped, “That's it? THAT'S FUCKING IT? He has _money_?! ANY SAP ON THE STREET HAS MONEY!”

 

“You'd be surprised how few guys are actually willing to support the girl they knocked up.”

 

“What about Dean?”

 

“What about him?” she asked carelessly.

 

Sam snapped at her cool tone, “He deserves to be happy, you ass! He's worked himself to _near DEATH_ to support a kid that isn't even his... You cheating _bitch_!"

 

“Watch it, _Sammy_ ,” Rachael growled as he loomed over her, “I can pull Dean away from you in a second... Do _not_ tempt me.”

 

Sam gaped at her, “What the hell is wrong with you? How could you do this to an innocent man?”

 

“Innocent?” Rachael laughed mirthlessly, “Dean is hardly innocent!”

 

“What did he _ever_ do to you?”

 

“HE KILLED MY FATHER!”

^-_-^

Sam was pacing back and forth in the apartment as he waited for Dean to get back.

 

Rachael had left moments after the explosive claim, giving him no time to question, or -hell- even process.

 

What the hell was Dean going to say? What was he going to do? This was going to kill him...

 

He really did love Jaden, like he would his own son... Treated him the way he had treated Sam way back when...

 

“Fuck,” Sam muttered, what the hell was he going to do?

 

He wasn't stupid, Sam knew he had to tell Dean about Jaden... But was Rachael right? Would the possibility of a son really pull his brother away from him?

 

He ran a hand over his face and realized that he really didn't want to find out... He also realized that he was _about_ to find out.

 

Sam pulled in a deep breath as the door swung open.

 

“Hey,” Dean called, summoning Sam from the bedroom. “Hey... You okay?”

 

Sam closed his eyes at Dean's question, How the _hell_ was he supposed to answer that?

 

“Sammy? ... Sam! What's wrong, man? You're as white as a ghost.”

 

“Look, Dean...” Sam finally interrupted. “I have something to say, and you aren't gonna like it... You're not gonna like it at all...”

 

“Sam, spit it out; you're starting to scare me here. ... Sammy?”

 

Sam let out a ragged breath, “Dean, it's about Jaden-”

 

Dean stiffened; the same way he did when something threatened Sam. “What about him?”

 

“I'm sorry, Dean... I'm so sorry, I wish it wasn't true.”

 

“Wish _what_ wasn't true?”

 

“Look, Jaden... Jaden... He's not your son.”

 

“Yes, he is.”

 

“No, Dean; he's not. Rachael, she told me-”

 

“I don't care what you claim she said, he's mine.”

 

“Dean, I'm sorry, but-”

 

“No, Sam; HE'S _MINE_ , BACK THE FUCK OFF!”

 

“Dean?” Sam pleaded, “Dean!”

 

But Dean was gone.

^-_-^

Sam couldn't sleep... Dean had been gone for hours. He refused to answer his phone, Rachael wasn't picking up either and there were way too many bars for Sam to get up and go looking for his brother.

 

Had she done it? Had Rachael really found a way to use Dean's “son” to pull him away from Sam's life?

 

That didn't make sense... Yeah, it would hurt Dean, almost to the point of destroying him, but why would she want to spend the rest of her life with man who supposedly killed her father?

 

Sam knuckled his eyes, Where the hell was Dean?

^-_-^

It was dawn and Sam still didn't know where Dean was. Everything was still quiet and he hated it!

 

He was just starting to dial Dean's number for the 872nd time when the door swung open. Dean walked in.

 

Well, no, walked wasn't the right word... He was ushered in, his own gun pressed against the back of his head.

 

Rachael held Jaden on her hip, a maniacal glint in her eye as Gary showed Dean in.

 

No way, there was no way that this was happening. “Jesus Christ!” Sam exclaimed in surprise, and -save Dean- the happy families eyes all turned black.

 

Dean kept walking, guilt etched on his features, “God, Sam, I'm so sorry.”

 

“Shut up!” Rachael cried, “I've had enough of your speaking! One year, one very _long_ year that I've had to hear your voice, everyday, every night... Killing you and your brother had better make it worth it.”

 

Sam flinched as Dean was tossed across the room with out so much as a second thought.

 

“It's Meg all over again,” Dean started to explain, but Gary's boot to the face shut him up PDQ. But Sam got the message, these weren't just demons... They were people, prisoners in their own flesh.

 

Rachael smirked as Dean's eyes fluttered shut, “Isn't so easy anymore, is it Sammy?” she asked smugly, hearing his thoughts. She pulled a knife out, the glint in her eye dancing happily.

 

“What're you going to do with that?” Sam asked, he was scared; not for himself, but Dean... Dean couldn't protect himself, he wasn't even awake. 

 

Rachael laughed, “You'd think this would get old, you really would, but it never does...” She plunged the knife into the infant's chest. The only sound Jaden made as the knife plunged into his abdomen again and again were the sick sounds that the blood made as it poured from his small body. 

 

Sam fell to his knees and threw up.

 

“Aw, what's the matter, Sammy?” Rachael laughed, “Little Jaden here is fine, and he'll stay that way until you send us back to Hell.

 

“And how will you feel if you do that?” she asked, slowly sliding the blade along her own stomach, her insides glittering with blood as the light fell on them, Sam vomited again. “What will you call these people then?

 

“Casualties of war? Oh, but Sammy,” she mocked, “I thought Dean ended the war when he shot my father!”

 

“Dean didn't do it,” Sam mumbled, wiping bile from his lips.

 

“What?” she hissed, kneeling in front of him and pulling his head up by his hair.

 

“Dean didn't do it! I SHOT YELLOW EYES!” She reeled back leaving a trail of blood.

 

“No! YOU'RE LYING!”

 

Sam shook his head, “Dean was knocked out, he never had a chance; it was me...

^-_-^

_Sam smiled down at Dean's unmoving body, "Now we don't have to hear his whiny voice until he's pleading for his life."_

_Yellow eyes laughed, a highly demented sound, "Good, now let's put him on the alter."_

_Sam gently laid his brother on the already bloody alter._

_"Put the colt in his hands so that when he wakes up he'll die knowing that his freedom, his salvation, was in his hands but there was nothing he could do." There was that laugh again._

_Sam fought back a shudder as he wrapped his fingers around the colt; deliverance, liberation, supernatural style._

_"Sam?"_

_"..."_

_"Sam, what are you doing?"_

_Sam lowered his head and leveled the gun, "Finishing what you started."_

_"You really think I believe you? You could never kill your own father, Sammy."_

_"You're right, I couldn't. But you already did, so I guess that was a pretty asinine thing to say, wasn't it?"_

_Yellow eyes never got a chance to answer, Sam had already pulled the trigger..._

^-_-^

"No! You're lying!" Rachael bellowed again.

 

Sam shook his head, "No, I'm not; and you know that."

 

Rachael tipped her head back and screeched; it was an evil, haunted sound. She turned and jammed the knife into Gary's chest.

 

"THIS ISN'T OVER, SAM!" Rachael vowed, "IT'S ONLY JUST BEGUN!"

 

Sam crawled over to Dean and pulled his head onto his long folded legs as the trio of demons abandoned their good as dead hosts. Sure enough, once all the black fog cleared Jaden, Rachael, and Gary all lay on the hard wood floor, eyes blank and unseeing.

 

Sam sobbed for the lives that had been lost, not today, not really; Jaden and Rachael had died at least a year ago... He didn't know about Gary.

 

He cried for his brother whose only crime had been that he was way too good at doing what he was raised to do... Who had been in the cross fire of a vicious war that his mother, brother and father had unknowingly dragged him into.

 

"Sammy?" Dean's tormented whine pulled him out of his reverie.


	4. Chapter 3: Leaving it Behind

Chapter Three: Leaving it Behind

 

"Deja Vu, huh," Dean muttered from the hospital bed. 

 

Sam turned to him, his eyes were red and itchy; he hadn't slept more than two or three hours at a time since the confrontation.

 

"It’s really not a moment I’d care to keep reliving,” Sam replied, not allowing Dean to lighten the mood.

 

“Yeah, well it’s been such a joy for me.” Sam flinched guiltily. “Sorry, Sam.”

 

Sam felt his eyes widen as he met Dean’s hazel gaze, “You’re apologizing to me? This was all my fault!”

 

Dean shook his head, “Don’t talk like that.”

 

“Like what, Dean? It was!” Sam stood up, his voice rising as well, “If I hadn’t shot-”

 

“Ah, Mr. Hunter,” The doctor interrupted, a distinguished looking woman this time. “I thought I heard yelling, which -if you don’t mind- we rather you not do. Patients recovering and all.”

 

By the time Dr. Morgan finished her examinations and left, neither Sam or Dean was angry -at the other anyway.

 

“So,” Dean rumbled, shifting so that he was sitting as upright as possible, “What exactly happened last night.” Sam closed his eyes, wishing that he could protect his brother somehow… “Sam? What happened?”

 

Sam sank into the seat by the bed and pulled it closer to Dean, “Well, first I guess I have to say that I never expected it to go that south…” he swallowed and looked at his hands, “I guess I never really trusted Rachael, but I decided to confront her when I realized that Jaden couldn’t look like he did if you were his father…

^-_-^

“…And then you woke up,” Sam finished, swallowing thickly. He hadn’t told Dean about Jaden’s bloody and gruesome death, only that all three had died.

 

He hoped it would be good enough, that he wouldn’t ask for details. He looked at his older brother’s downcast eyes before he wrapped his long fingers around the calloused, limp hand laying on the pristine white sheets.

 

A single tear slipped down Dean’s cheek and Sam wiped it away with his thumb. 

 

Dean leaned into the touch and closed his eyes against the flood of emotion.

 

Sam let go of Dean’s hand and climbed carefully into bed with him. Dean let him spoon against his back and after a moment he wrapped his arms around Sam’s.

^-_-^

“Mmm?” Sam questioned, blinking blearily as someone gently shook his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, but we don’t really allow this…” Sam looked at the doctor, and then realized he was still cradling Dean with his body. “Oh, sorry…” Sam gently extricated himself from Dean’s sleeping grasp, “When he woke up I told him what happened… He just needed someone…”

 

Dr. Morgan smiled, “It’s fine with me; in fact, I encourage it… Love is a strong medicine, _but_ hospital policy states-”

 

“Right, gotcha,” Sam interrupted. “Sorry,” he said meekly, remembering his manners.

 

She smiled again, “It’s fine, I just wanted to let you know that we’d like to keep Dean here for another week? What with this as his second severe head injury in about a year… We just don’t want to take any chances.”

 

Sam nodded, “I really don’t want to take any chances with his health either, Dr. Morgan.”

 

“Please, call me Theresa,” she corrected. 

 

Sam smiled and shook her hand before paranoia set in. “ _Christo_ ,” he murmured.

 

“What was that?”

 

Sam shook his head, “Nothing… Uh, so Dean?”

 

“Should be just fine, we just want to be safe.”

^-_-^

“A week, Sam? Come on,” Dean whined when he woke up a few hours later.

 

He shrugged, “Seemed reasonable to me.”

 

“They didn’t keep me a week when I woke up from my first coma, or my second.”

 

“That’s different, there were extenuating circumstances, and last time we had help from the inside.” Dad and then Rachael… When had their lives gone from just thoroughly screwed up to one giant mess of pain?

 

Dean was quiet and then, “Alright, a week… I can do a week.”

 

Sam raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

 

Dean glared at him, “One week, and then we take off.”

 

“Any ideas?”

 

Dean pulled a bit of fuzz of his blanket, avoiding his eyes. “Anywhere but here.”

 

Sam nodded, “We can do that.”

 

A long silence fell. “When did everything get so messed up, Sammy?”

 

Sam looked at him, “When was it not?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean… We never used to screw up this bad… A year, Sammy; she had us in her grasp for a year toying with us…” Sam just nodded sadly, letting Dean continue. “We lost our touch, man… The _best_ of the business wouldn’t have fallen for that… We aren’t _safe_ anymore, Sammy.”

 

Sam studied him, “What’re you saying, Dean?”

 

“I want out. I can’t do this anymore. I got _attached_ to that… Kid. I can’t do that again; there’s no way I can lose one more thing to this job…” Dean looked up from his hands, “You’re all I’ve got, Sam; you’re all I’ve got left and I can’t lose you, too…

 

“And I’m tired,” he shook his head, “I’m so tired of this never-ending uphill battle…”

 

Sam sat down on the edge of Dean’s bed, “It’s over, Dean… It’s finally over for us now, because I can’t lose you either… You’re all I’ve got, too.”

^-_-^

This had to be the slowest week of Sam’s life. Dean had gone from open and talkative to his usual gruffness and then on to just plain bitchy as he got tired of staying in the same bed for a week.

 

He shot daggers at everyone as Sam wheeled him out to the car, hating that that they wouldn’t let him just freakin’ walk. _Hospital policy can bite my ass!_ Dean had shouted when he heard, but somehow Theresa had talked him down.

 

Dean’s face tilted towards the sun as Sam finally wheeled him out the door, then he practically leapt out of his seat to stroke the Impala. “Oh, baby,” he murmured, running a loving hand over the hood, “I missed you so much.”

 

Sam smiled and turned to Dr. Morgan. They shook hands. “Here,” she said, handing him a small rectangle of cardstock, “If you ever need anything, or you’re just passing through, look me up, okay?”

 

“Thanks,” Sam nodded, putting it carefully into his pocket, “We will.”

 

“Sammy? Where’re the keys?” Dean asked, standing in the open driver’s side door. Sam shook his head, “No way you’re driving.”

 

“What?” Dean’s eyes narrowed dangerously.

 

“Doctor’s orders, Dean-o; you aren’t driving for at least another week.”

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Sam shook his head, and Dean slammed the driver’s side door and then the passenger’s side as well when he climbed in. He sank low into the seat, sulking.

 

Theresa looked at Sam, eyebrow quirked. He just laughed, “I like messing with him.” She nodded, “You get one day before he steals the keys and takes off without you is my wager.”

 

Sam laughed again, “I gave myself until dinner.”

 

“What can I say,” Theresa joked, “I’m an optimist.” Sam shook the doctor’s hand again and then walked around and plopped himself in the driver’s seat.

^-_-^

Dean actually hadn’t been that bad on the drive, Sam mused, studying his brother across the top of his mug.

 

“What?” Dean asked, looking up from his menu.

 

“Just thinking,” he shrugged.

 

Dean folded the grimy plastic and laid it on the table, “So…”

 

Sam nodded, “So.”

 

“So where are we going? It’s killing me.”

 

Sam laughed, “You’ll like it, I promise.”

 

Dean studied him, “You’re happy.”

 

Sam’s smile softened and he laid his foot next to Dean’s, relishing the innocent contact, “More than I have been for a very long time.”

 

Dean laid his hand on top of Sam’s and they both stared at it, shocked at the alien gesture.

 

“Here ya go,” the waitress said, popping her gum. 

 

Their hands flew apart like shrapnel.

^-_-^

Sam ‘let’ Dean drive after they got out of the diner, telling him to head south and he’d give directions.

 

“You really aren’t going to tell me where we’re going?” Dean asked after about an hour.

 

“Correct,” Sam answered, not bothering to look up from his computer to meet Dean’s glare. “Pull off at the next exit.”

 

Dean looked back to the road, and then gave him a side-long glance, “Seriously? You aren’t telling me where we’re going?”

 

“Seriously,” Sam mocked. Dean glared at him again and then hit the exit. “Left or right?”

 

Sam consulted his map, glad for the red light, “Left.”

 

“Sure,” Dean sighed and then turned up his AC~DC. 

 

Sam rolled his eyes, “Very mature, Dean.”

 

“Can’t hear you,” Dean said loudly, “Music’s too loud.” Of course, he still managed to follow Sam’s directions to a T. “A motel? We used to drive all night-”

 

“Yeah, well,” Sam interrupted, as Dean let the car purr in the middle of the parking lot. “Where we’re going, it’s not leaving anytime soon, we can take our time.”

 

Dean looked at him and then finally pulled into an empty spot, “Fine.”

 

Sam smiled and then climbed out to stretch.

^-_-^

Dean called the bed by the door, as per usual, and first shower. Sam didn’t argue.

 

The ‘pala might ride like a dream, but she could really do a number on your back.

 

When Dean finally vacated the bathroom, Sam inhaled sharply. Dean’s bare chest glistened under a light sheen of water. “All your’s, Sammy.”

 

Sam shook himself out of it and started towards it when he glanced over his shoulder.

 

Apparently, the hot water had done nothing to untie the knots in Dean’s back.

 

It was tense and angry looking. Sam paused and then turned and walked towards him. Dean turned, “Dude, what happened to the whole showering idea?”

 

“Shut up,” Sam said, rolling his eyes, “And sit down.”

 

Dean did, jeans pulled tight as he straddled one of the chairs. Sam slowly reached out and began to kneed the tan flesh.

 

Dean stiffened for a moment but then he just gave in and let Sam’s freakishly large hands do their job. “Sammy,” he moaned quietly as Sam worked his lower back.

 

Sam felt his breathing growing more and more labored as Dean got more vocal. “Yeah, that’s it… Right there… _Yes_ …”

 

Sam pulled his hands away after a few more minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore; Dean’s groans and utterances were slowly making it harder and harder… Uh, to breathe, of course.

 

He raced into the bathroom and leaned against the door, picturing what his brother was doing now…

 

He was probably rolling his back and then pulling on a shirt… Maybe he was even thinking about Sammy, wondering what else his hands were good at-

 

_No!_ Sam screamed inwardly. _No thinking thoughts like that… Not right now anyways…_


	5. Chapter 4: Final Destination

Chapter Four: Final Destination

 

The next morning, Sam drove, letting Dean relax in the passenger’s seat. Course, it only took about seven minutes before Dean started fidgeting with boredom. 

 

“Come on, man; can’t we do _something_?”

 

“What exactly do you expect me to do, Dean; I am driving, you know?”

 

“Yeah, but only cause you won’t tell me where we’re going,” Dean sulked.

 

“It kills you.”

 

“What does?”

 

“This,” Sam glanced at him and then back on the road. “Not being in control, it’s killing you.”

 

“So?” Sam laughed, Dean didn’t even pretend to deny it.

 

“Ah, come on, Sammy, there has to be some way to liven up this trip…”

 

Sam sighed, taking pity on the man, “Fine, you name the game and I’ll play it.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Ah-ah!” Sam interrupted, not letting Dean get too excited, “I reserve the right to quit at anytime.”

 

“Yeah, yeah… Kill joy.”

 

“I’m serious, Dean. If this gets too weird, and knowing you it will get weird, I reserve the right to bail.”

 

“Fine,” Dean held up his hands in mock surrender. “Chicken shit.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, deciding it was easier to ignore the mumbled jab, “So, what’re we playing?”

 

Dean looked thoughtful for a moment, “I’m thinking _twenty questions_.”

 

“Are you serious?” Sam’s eyebrows disappeared under his bangs, “ _That’s_ your genius idea?”

 

“Hey, I’m not talking your average twenty questions ‘I am an Oreo’ game. I’m talking… The adult version.”

 

“Adult version?” Sam cast a look at Dean, “Dirty.”

 

“But _I’m_ the one with my mind in the gutter all the time,” Dean mumbled, “No, not adult like Paris Hilton adult, adult like grown-up.”

 

Sam’s face screwed up in confusion, “Huh?”

 

“I mean,” Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I ask you a question -any question about anything- and you have to answer it honestly, no holding back, and then vice versa. Plus, we each answer our own question if we can.”

 

“Like, I ask you what your favorite color and we both answer what our favorite color before you get to ask your question?”

 

Dean nodded, “ _But_ we don’t have to stop as twenty -that just gives it a fun name- and don’t waste your questions on crap. Really think about what you want to know. We’re both open books here, alright?” Sam nodded. “Okay, then… Shall I start then, Sammy?”

 

“By all means.”

 

“Okay, then…” Dean licked his lips and turned slightly in his seat so that he could see Sam’s every reaction. “When’s the last time you thought about Jessica?”

 

Sam pulled in a sharp breath through his teeth and then closed off his features the way Dean taught him, “How long have you wanted to know that?”

 

He saw Dean shrug from the corner of his eye, “Long enough.” He focused on the road for a long moment.

 

“I guess last week… When Rachael brought up Yellow-Eyes… Before that, it was the hospital right after I killed him… When… When I thought I should add you to my casualties list…”

 

“Your casualties list?”

 

“Yeah, the people that have died -directly or indirectly- because of me. Mom, Jess, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Dad, Madison…” Sam ticked off quietly as he shifted lanes.

 

“You’ve kept a list?”

 

“Like you haven’t,” Sam scoffed. Dean didn’t answer, it was true; he had kept a list, didn’t know a hunter that had crossed paths with the yellow eyed demon that didn’t carry some kind of list.

 

There was a long pondering pause before Sam spoke up, “My question?” Dean grunted an affirmative, appearing to almost regret suggesting the game. How many questions Sam must have locked away for dear socially repressed Dean…

 

“Okay,” Sam’s voice was low and serious, as if he knew that this question could end conversation for a good long while, but knew he had to ask because he genuinely wanted to know. “Uh-Other than Mom,” he stuttered softly, “What would you change?”

 

Dean ran a hand through short hair, _how had he not been expecting that?_ “I guess… Dad. I wish Dad was still alive.”

 

“Where would that leave you?”

 

Dean shrugged, “Dead, the way I ought to be, I guess.”

 

“What?”

 

“How many times do I have to say this, Sammy? What’s dead, should stay dead. Those pesky things that don’t? Yeah, they’re what gave Dad his job, us ours.”

 

“That’s great, Dean, just great.” Sam used sarcasm like a weapon now, huffing a sigh. “And where do you place me in this little scenario?”

 

Dean gaped at his brother, “There’s no way you’re really being that selfish.”

 

“Yeah, you’re the one who wants to be _dead_ , but _I’m_ the selfish one,” he shouted, and then he heard himself. “You want to be… _dead_?” he whispered the last word, not wanting to actually say it.

 

“One question at a time, Sammy,” Dean tried to tease, maybe lighten the mood, but Sam took his lack of response as a big, fat ‘yes’. “But no,” he quickly clarified, “it’s not that I want to be dead… I just want things to be the way they should be.”

 

Sam mulled that over, “I guess I understand that, but did you ever consider that maybe everything _is_ the way it should be?”

 

Dean blinked. “What?”

 

Sam shrugged, “Think about it this way, if Dad hadn’t died? We wouldn’t have gone to Bobby’s and then we never would have made it to the road house, so we never would have met Ash, who, after all, did eventually get us to the right place at the right time.”

 

“Dad might’ve taken you to the road house-”

 

Sam shook his head and interrupted , “Not with his and Ellen’s history he wouldn’t have.”

 

Dean sat back and processed that for a while. Yeah, it sounded a little crazy. (Well, crazy wasn’t the right word. Fanatical, Far fetched, abstract even… But crazy? Not so much.) But Sam’s logic did have some twisted rational behind it, and it did make a lot of sense when you finally got there; not that he should be surprised, Sam was Sam after all. The car fell silent as they thought.

 

“Right, so… Your question?” Sam asked, finally breaking the silence.

 

“Yep…” Dean leaned back and tapped his fingers on the door handle. “Got one. Why, um, why did you pick Stanford? I mean, of all the colleges -some so close- why’d you pick Stanford?”

 

Sam glanced at Dean and inhaled deeply, “Dad and I-”

 

“No, Sammy,” Dean was shaking his head as he interrupted, “I want the real answer.”

 

_I was so in love with you it hurt… Didn’t think I could control myself much longer, is that what you want to hear, Dean?_

 

“Yeah? Well, it’s the only answer I can give just now.”

 

Dean sighed and slouched in his seat pulling dark sunglasses over his eyes. Apparently, he was done with this game.

^-_-^

“Other than Jess, you ever been in love?”

 

Sam jolted slightly, he hadn’t even noticed Dean was awake, “Wh-What?” Dean repeated the question.

 

Sam found himself nodding as he pulled his lower lip between his teeth, “Yeah…”

 

Dean straitened, and pulled the sun glasses off, it was as if he hadn’t really been expecting an answer. “Really? What’s her name? Do I know her?”

 

Sam was all of a sudden glad it was ten at night, with the darkness he was so much less likely to see how uncomfortable he was.

 

“Well, uh…” Sam cleared his throat and shifted lanes before trying again, “Yeah… You, uh, you know him.”

 

There was a long pause, “I know… _him_?”

 

Sam bit his lower lip harder and slowly tried to lav the pain away with his tongue. “Yeah… Uh, does that freak you out?” He felt rather than saw Dean shrug. “I’m gonna need words, here, Dean.”

 

He chuckled, “Nah. Who is it?”

 

Sam laughed, all of a sudden he felt twelve with his first crush (on Dean, of course) again, “Huh-uh! You know him! I can’t give you his name.”

 

Dean pouted in the corner, and Sam fought the urge to fold under its power. “Well, can you at least tell me what he’s like?”

 

“He’s… Cute, funny… Irritating… Smart, genius at times… Cynical… Serious… In a word?” He shot a smile Dean’s way, “Perfect.”

 

“Figured you’d go for the smart one,” Dean teased, but then he fell serious. “Well, he’d better treat you like a fucking god, otherwise,” he paused until Sam met his gaze. “Otherwise, he doesn’t deserve to lick your boots.”

 

It took everything in him not to shout, _God, Dean, it’s you! You’re the one I love! The one I’ve always loved!_

^-_-^

Sam was dead on his feet, he had to piss like a race horse because of all the red bulls he’d chugged, and -on top of everything else- his back felt like one giant knot. But he knew that this moment, well, he was hoping it would.

 

The car purred delicately as he gently nosed it into an open slot.

 

It was about dawn, the sun had risen less than an hour ago and _goddamn_ this had better be worth it.

 

“Dean?” Sam whispered as he reached over and gently shook the older man’s shoulder. “Hey, Dean? C’mon… We’re hear Dean, c’mon; wake up…”

 

Dean blearily opened his eyes, throwing up a hand to shade his eyes, “What?”

 

Sam got out and walked to the other door, re-woke Dean, and ushered him across the parking lot. Dean yawned and leaned heavily against his brother, as they walked he was completely at ease. As for Sam? Sam’s heart was racing and his brain was freezing.

 

Taking Dean here could be a big mistake, a huge fucking mistake… The biggest he’d ever made in fact.

 

When they stopped walking Dean scrubbed a hand over his face and yawned before taking in his surroundings.

 

“Sammy?” Dean’s voice was quiet, so soft that Sam had to lean against him as much as he was leaning against Sam to hear him. “Sam, where are we?”

 

But Dean knew, he knew where they were, there was no way that he couldn’t, not really, but he wanted to hear Sam say it.

 

Sam wrapped his long arms around his older brother, hugging him from behind now.

 

“The Grand Canyon,” he whispered, letting his lips ghost over Dean’s ear as the soft words caressed him, “You finally made it to The Grand Canyon. _We_ finally made it to The Grand Canyon.”


End file.
